Forty million tax dollars into the Mueller farce of a “Russian collusion investigation,” another TMZ-like story has been unearthed. The heavy-handed, ceremonious and against-all-legal-precedent raid of Trump personal lawyer Michael Cohen’s home and offices revealed that they may have discussed paying a bimbo for her silence in 2016.
In their honorable pursuit of justice, Robert Mueller, the FBI (Peter Strzok/Andrew McCabe), DOJ’s Lisa Page, et al have said how important their investigations are. In such political prosecutions, they will go where press leaks lead them.
We are told that the FBI/DOJ (along with 17 other duplicitous federal law enforcement agencies with unlimited, tax-payer funded budgets and scant accountability) are there to “protect Americans.” We keep funding new federal/state/county/city/campus law enforcement agencies that ca incarcerate more of us on a whim.
In this FBI/DOJ prosecution, it’s important to justice that they follow the facts in this case, no matter how many porn stars and Playboy Bunnies they lead to.
It is interesting how Trump, who has the strong support of evangelicals, keeps having Clintonian “bimbo eruptions.” Clearly Trump is well schooled in scripture. Who can forget his answer when asked his favorite Bible verse? “Corinthians Two.” In explanation, Trump said he’s pretty sure Corinthians Two was the second Tweet of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians.
To be fair to Trump, he may have confused Corinthians Two with a leather vendor once used at one of his hotels.
The current tally on Trump is three wives, and multiple affairs and counting: one porn star and a Playboy Bunny, none of which he admits. He is just adhering to his modern interpretation of the Seventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.
I feel sad for Trump’s family. There is nothing like the Trump boys (Eric and Don Jr.) having to remember being sent off to boarding school by their dad at age ten. After shaking his hand goodbye, their only memory of him for the next year was the stripper glitter on their tiny hands.
So Trump’s eager, legal eagle “fixer” attorney, Michael Cohen (who looks like a Staten Island massage parlor lookout), did some dirty work for The Donald. Not surprising, and pretty much in the Trump brochure when he campaigned.
Attorney Cohen reminds me of the hard-working, eager to please attorney law firms love to hire. It is what law firm partners look for. When they recruit a young lawyer, they have a partner take him to his country club for dinner and show him the nicest houses on the best street in town. Then they let him know, "If you work hard for years at this firm, all this …will be mine."
So in the continuation of these political prosecutions, the Trump tape seized in the raid of his attorney’s office was leaked. “I am shocked,” said no one paying attention to all this.
I am surprised at the hypocrisy of the left, who historically said they want to limit secret surveillance by government, love Russia, hate McCarthyism, love attorney/client privilege and hate law enforcement, yet they cheer all this on. Reflect on the irony. They need to think where the dark side of this spectrum ends. These days, intellectual honesty in that party is about as hard to find as a white southern Democrat.
So our corrupted FBI and DOJ are hot on the trails of a Playboy Bunny and a porn star. It seems appropriate that Stormy Daniels and the FBI are tied together in this probe, since the FBI has changed its position on camera as many times as she has.
This might be the golden age for my humor column: the Playboy Bunny in this case is trying to lift a “gag” order, and the owner of the tabloid is named Pecker. Some jokes just write themselves.
For the kids out there, Playboy was a magazine run by an 80-year-old man, Hugh Hefner, who burnished his brand by assembling hordes of women up to half his age in his sex mansion in LA. Then one day, they just stopped objectifying women, with little notice. Now Playboy is PC and doing a transgender issue, which I presume is a pop-up book.
Just the thought of the now defunct Playboy Magazine in print is nostalgic to a person like me who writes op-ed satire. I was the only boy in Maury County, Tennessee who read Playboy for the jokes.
Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author. Contact him at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.
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This article originally appeared on Santa Rosa Press Gazette: Hypocrisies, Tramps and Thieves