Here I am. It is the Sunday after the election and there seems to be little hope about lifting the fog that has filled my head.
I know that I am not alone with the "deer in the headlights" look and profound hope that somehow, somehow this is a really bad dream.
How did we get here? Were we all fooled into thinking that he didn't stand a chance or that good will prevail over evil? After all, isn't that the message we have been getting throughout our lives? “Ozzy and Harriet,” “Leave it to Beaver,” “The Flintstones,” Coyote and the Roadrunner, Luke Skywalker — where are you now?
Were we so blind that we didn't see this coming, or did we have so much faith in humankind that we were sure that we wouldn't let a thing like this happen?
After all, there was so much bloodshed to ensure equality, too many lives were lost defending our rights for freedom so that we may move forward and embrace our differences and celebrate our united lives.
I'm sure I learned that is what America is all about.
Right now, I feel so much worse than when I learned there was no Santa. Cheated; cast out of the club that I was sure if I belonged, would go to Heaven when I died.
Have the rules of good vs. evil changed? I have always tried to say the right words, do the right things and have struggled my entire life living with that as my mantra. There were too many times that I have tried too hard to help; expected too much from people, believing that somehow I can be an important cog in their wheel of life and help them over the hurdles they were being dealt.
It seemed that every time I helped, I would only end up with another T-shirt in my drawer that says, "Helpful, Enabler, Jerk." It was forever until I learned to stop after being helpful. Once you pass the enabler stage, you're absolutely destined to be a jerk. But I learned this! Doesn't that qualify me to see when things have gone wrong?
Alas, rules have been twisted and weasel words have been spoken.
And here we are.
When people are unsure of the future, they often will "awfulize" things to prepare for the worst and kind of hope for the best while doing so. I keep watching and waiting for the hint or clue that things are still salvageable … However, my lightning bug is going dim and I honestly don't know what I can do! I continue to be active, with random acts of kindness and sending love to those who need it, but I feel lost, as the schoolyard bully is stomping on my soul.
Throughout my life, I have had many events, good and bad, that have prepared me and made me the strong person that I am. I also have had the privilege of working in my passion and have met so many wonderful people, many who are still my best of friends. I was able to live my dream, however short, and was able to taste the sweet nectar of an incredibly wild ride.
There were times, after my dream, that I flirted with homelessness and was incredibly grateful for family and friends who helped me to stand up and dust myself off.
The time has come that threatens my belief system. Greed and clueless following of an untrained shepherd surely will send the sheep, willingly, to slaughter. This must be stopped.
How am I supposed to believe that the voting was so close? I look at bumper stickers and feel afraid. I must change my therapist, as he is a supporter. How can he possibly help me?
Is it true that so many people out there approve of this mindset? I am in the South and I wonder what part of "love thy neighbor" doesn't make sense to you.
It's not exactly a secret that the KKK was endorsing him. Did you think that that little fact would just go away or are you in agreement with their beliefs? I'm having a problem telling the difference.
I would like to hear your side to help me understand; however, I can't tell who is safe to ask. The wound is too raw from both sides. From my side, I'm desperately trying to make some sense of this; and, from the other side, are you second-guessing your decision, just as confused as I am, or are you really a die-hard supporter?
I fear the latter the most.
It seems that the underbelly of society has been empowered in an unfathomable way.
Oh, I threatened, along with others, to leave the country or go off grid — that would be the easy way — but I'm not willing to discount what others have sacrificed to give equality and freedom to me.
I will not believe that all of those men and women sacrificed and died for no reason! If they had the heart to fight for me, damn it, i can do the same!
After all, that is what we Americans do!
Sandy Hauer lives in Milton.
This article originally appeared on Santa Rosa Press Gazette: Trump will be president — how did we get here?