MILTON — In the Navy, times are changing when it comes to reporting domestic violence, according to Julie LaRow, acting director of the Fleet and Family Support Center at NAS Whiting Field.
"We're seeing a paradigm shift with public awareness," she said, "a shift in the value and understanding of fighting domestic violence.”
What's that, specifically?
(It's) an acknowledgment that peers need to report peers,” she said. “I think we've been working really hard last decade to address that old mentality of wanting to protect somebody."
Each minute, an estimated 20 people in the United States are physically abused by an intimate partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. During one year, that's more than 10 million women and men.
It's an issue that staffers at Favor House of Northwest Florida Inc., a certified domestic violence center for Santa Rosa and Escambia counties, see every day. The center offers a crisis hotline, counseling and transitional housing and educational services.
One domestic violence survivor is working to help those who find themselves in a similar situation by becoming a social worker there.
She wished to keep her identity anonymous; we will call her "Mary Beth."
'THERE WAS A LOT OF CONTROL'
Mary Beth is working to earn a master's degree in social work and she is five years into a healthy relationship.
However, her happiness follows more than a decade of terror.
"It was a relationship I had been in for 15 years and pretty much for most of those 15 years I had to deal with psychological and emotional as well as some physical abuse," she said.
It started gradually.
"I can look back now and see that the manipulation was there, but I did not know that then; I was in my early 20s," she said.
Her spouse, "Rick," was controlling and tried to restrict her independence – a typical tactic, Mary Beth said.
"That was why we had our own business so that he could keep me at home and not be out in the world," she said.
But home was more like a prison. Rick allowed no closed doors in the house and he made Mary Beth request permission to leave the house or receive money from him.
"I had to account for every penny when I got home," she said. "So, yeah there was a lot of control."
'HE HID IT WELL'
Rick's abusive tendencies sometimes surfaced in public, Mary Beth said.
"I had people say, 'I don't know how you can stand him,' because he would be verbally abusive around people, but he would never really be aggressive," she said. "Most of them did not know his nature; he hid it well."
When Rick's temper did flare in public, Mary Beth made excuses for him.
However, that didn't stop the abuse. At times, Rick even threatened her with knife and a gun.
The relationship ended once Mary Beth began to think about her mortality.
A relative's death, coupled with Rick's decision to move Mary Beth's son closer to where they lived, contributed to the relationship's demise.
"They had a toxic relationship; he wanted to control my son," she said. "He went behind my back and had him move down here, but I am actually glad he did that because then now I had a support system. Before that, I did not have one."
'IT FEELS REALLY AWESOME'
While Mary Beth worked to end the marriage, Rick remained a burden – to the point that she had to get an injunction from the court, forcing him to leave the house.
She said her ex-husband would still stalk her and create a financial burden through a lengthy divorce.
"I had to work hard to get back to here," she said.
Since 2012, Mary Beth said, she has been in a healthy relationship in which she has independence and support.
"It feels really awesome," she said. "I wanted to go back to school and was (previously) told, 'You can't do that…;' I didn't even ask if it was okay (to go back to school)."
Mary Beth recently earned a bachelor's degree in social work and plans to earn her master's degree in May.
'LOOKING OUT FOR EACH OTHER'
Stories like Mary Beth's are all too common, according to officials with Whiting Field's Fleet and Family Support Center. Staffers there promote taking a stand against domestic violence through speaking out, Larow said.
Larow said the center teaches people the signs of abuse; how to deal with domestic violence; and how to address such a situation.
"We really work hard, as (does) the military in general, to promote the bystander approach by training everybody about looking out for each other," she said. "We talk about speaking up when we notice something (happening) to someone else."
NAS Whiting Field Capt. Todd Bahlau said the military installation is recognizing Domestic Violence Awareness Month by putting up signs and purple ribbons.
"This just reiterates what the service members have been taught – to speak up," he said.
Now, it’s easier to stand up and speak out — and when that happens, support is available.
For domestic violence cases, LaRow said the Navy has a family advocacy program, "essentially a case management program," that performs an assessment and works with community partners like law enforcement, shelters and mental health providers.
The Navy offers a number of treatment options, with help from clinical counselors, therapy for offenders and victims, couples counseling, and counseling for children.
"We also have a groups program called 'Batterers Intervention Program,' which is a statewide program for offenders," she said.
While the military subculture adds a layer of support, LaRow said, what is "unique to the military is the number of stressful events," such as exposure to combat or multiple deployments.
"What we know is domestic violence across the board is a learned behavior,” she said. “We learn from own experiences and add multiple stress factors, so although combat can be one thing it's not identified as the leading cause.
“There are many pathways. We look back at all symptoms.”
This article originally appeared on Santa Rosa Press Gazette: Amid violence in the military — a 'paradigm shift'